Virtus

My name is Alexander Cheves. My nickname is Beastly. I write about sex. I wrote a book.

Have a question? Email askbeastly@gmail.com or go here.

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A feedback post. Enjoy. — B

I just read your article in Out Traveler and I wanted to thank you so much for sharing that with the world. Truly I was meant to read that today. I’m also in New York, where I can no longer afford to live, and I’m wondering where I will go next. Having moved every two years since I was 18 (I’m now 40), I always think something is wrong with me and that I can’t stay in one place. But you help me realize it’s not that I can’t stay, it’s that I have so much more to learn and a new place offers that. I’m not running from anything, I’m running to new adventures, new understandings of myself and others, and in many ways a whole New World. Just wanted to share that, and mostly to say thank you. Berlin is definitely high on my list so I hope to see you in a dungeon soon!

Thank you for sharing. I’m headed to Berlin in a couple of weeks for a long trip — a speculative visit to see if I want (and am able) to move there. Cultivate your rootless spirit.

Love, Beastly

Hi Alexander, I’m writing to say thanks. I’ve been reading your columns and blog posts for a long time now and have really appreciated what you have to say. I’m a queer, mostly-gay guy (he/they), poly and kinky, who does sexuality counseling and education and shows off on Twitter. I’m also a clergyman in a hyper-liberal, Queer-inclusive religious community that includes people of all sorts of belief systems: non-theists and theists, earth-centered folks, people who hold beliefs from world religions, and those who reject them entirely. My thank you today is for an article that you wrote in 2018 (“AIDS Panic Should Not Be a Defining Queer Experience“). I was preaching this morning on lessons I and other queer folk have learned from coming through COVID and from having lived through the HIV pandemic. Your article was the perfect text to quote in my sermon–and it was wonderful to be able to bring my two worlds together in such a powerful way. Thank you for writing so well on this and so many other topics…and for helping to make more room for others to figure out how to speak up, too. Gav

Hi Gav. I never thought I would be quoted in a sermon and am extremely honored that I was. Thank you so much for your message. You sound like a wonderful and vital religious figure — one that so many young queer people wish they could turn to for solace, guidance, and support. I know I don’t need to tell you how rare and valuable you are in a world filled with dogma and hate. You are a light in the dark.

Love, Beastly

Hi Alex! Great to read your blog from Vienna, AT (originally from Budapest, Hungary). Hugs, Pali

Thank you, Pali, and hello to Vienna.

Love, Beastly

Hi Alex, I am a straight guy and read your article on Advocate, 17 Tips for Happier, Healthier Bottoming. My wife and I do ass play on me which I enjoy but have always had a concern with cleanliness. I just thought I had to reach out to thank you for your article as it was massively informative and always struggled to ensure I was 100% clean. Thank you

Hi friend. I applaud every heterosexual couple that defies sexual norms to have better sex. I hope she makes your butt feel amazing. Try not to stress too much about cleanliness. You are playing in the butt. It won’t be 100% clean every time, no matter what you do — no matter what you eat, what douching regimen you follow, or what guidance any sex expert gives. Even though it is an unruly creature at times, the butt — and the body — is a great, fun, beautiful thing. The body is, for each of us, the greatest instrument of pleasure we will ever own. Enjoy yours.

Love, Beastly

Alex, I just wanted you to know that there’s someone in southern Brazil who has immense admiration for you. Especially because of your admirable disposition to help and advise people who are often in painful situations. This is very rare to find in a world ruled by money. What you so brilliantly do is called kindness, love, understanding, empathy, and ethics. Also called “virtus”, virtue – you have all these abilities – you could use it to become a billionaire and exploit people. But you don’t, you use it to help, advise and inform – in other words, to minimize human suffering. And that, Alex, is noble. That is what I had to say. Of course, you are also outrageously attractive, all I always dreamed of, I would cross the Atlantic swimming for a single kiss, etc. That kind of thing you must receive millions per day, I imagine… the world is a better place because you exist. your true admirer Ygor.

Hi Ygor. What a sweet note. I don’t get millions of messages like that. I’ve never grown accustomed to messages of praise and admiration and never quite know how to react to them. I’m grateful, of course, and it is very nice to be praised and admired — but people who grow up without confidence never quite understand what others are seeing when they are complimented on their looks, and I am one such person.

Thank you for your kind words and thank you for reading. And more than that, thank you for the word “virtus,” which I looked up. It was a specific virtue in Ancient Rome that carried connotations of valor, manliness, excellence, courage, character, and worth — perceived as masculine strengths (from the Latin vir, “man”). It was a frequently stated virtue of Roman emperors and was personified as a deity — Virtus. Very interesting — and very flattering.

And if anyone wants to make me a billionaire because of my work, let’s make it happen. I’m nowhere close to that — in fact, I imagine I make less than most people realize. I’m extremely frugal and can live for shockingly little money, even in an expensive city like New York — skills that have only developed from having very limited amounts of money to spend. If anyone wants to help with all that, please visit my Patreon — a primary income source for me.

Love, Beastly

Hello there, Alex. I have been following you on social media for 1 year. All I have to say is that I bloody love the hell out of you. Rare to find someone authentic, outspoken, and congruent these days. Keep on being the awesome person you are. Love, from Portugal.

Love back to Portugal from Montreal (where I am as I write this). Thank you for the kind words.

Love, Beastly

Dear Beastly, I just wanted to thank you for your work. I am a middle-aged Gynecologist in Switzerland and love your blog. You created a safe haven for all questions about sex and promote mental health by being fiercely loyal to one’s own perceived flaws or shortcomings. You are brilliant. I read your book (it is a little hassle getting it in Europe – as is donating to you – since it seems without VPN one is unable to access Patreon) and I am deeply moved by how relentlessly honest and carefully emphatic you write. Please keep doing what you are doing. I will continue to recommend your blog to everyone over here searching for how to navigate sex without shame. You are an inspiration. Kind regards, Mag (middle-aged gynecologist)

You seem awesome, Mag! Thank you for trying to support my work. If Patreon doesn’t work, I do have a Donate page that includes all the ways someone can leave me a tip — but Patreon supporters are the only ones who get my exxxclusive content (my personal sex posts).

I hope you enjoyed my book. I know it must have been a hassle getting the book delivered to your home in Europe — one drawback of a small press. But small presses are where the best, most challenging literary works are being produced at the moment, so I went that route. Thank you so much and please keep enjoying my blog.

Love, Beastly

Hello, I just listened to the good sex podcast from June 15th, 2021. You were on it talking about fisting. I just want to say wow. I have never thought of it really. I want to explore it now thanks to you. Keep up the great work.

Thank you for listening. Enjoy your fisting journey.

Love, Beastly

Hi Alex, just wanted to let you know how much I ADORED your little book, My Love Is A Beast. It’s such a unique, brave, important contribution to the cultural discussion of all things queer. Thank you for your frankness, bravery, and authenticity. You inspire me and changed the game for me with regard to my own writing. ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you, comrade. Good luck with your own writing.

Love, Beastly

Hello Alexander Cheves 

Am really inspired by the story you shared on your Instagram post and such post you make really change lives and give hope to us who are still striving to get there

Am called Noordin from Uganda🇺🇬 Kampala

Thank you so much, Noordin. My love to Uganda.

Love, Beastly