Wet and Messy

My name is Alexander Cheves. My nickname is Beastly. I write about sex. I wrote a book.

Have a question? Email askbeastly@gmail.com or go here.

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hey there,

Jeff here. 59/White guy. I have been considering experiencing the taking of my anal cherry and cannot rest. I may as well go ahead and after months of contemplating, I have decided to go for it. I desire a soft, gentle man to be my first and decide if I desire more. A local to be only one kind of man would be my choice. One I can call if I awaken and need the feel of manhood in me. Not sure how the feelings after my first pop will be. I want to oral also and feel the contractions of his orgasm while in my receiving mouth. But I cannot figure out how to incorporate it into the anal cherry pop. Maybe that is why I want a one-only man thing. so that on another occasion I can focus on the oral aspect and feel his body respond so I will learn the key areas he likes prior to orgasm.

I cannot rest until I have this fantasy fulfilled. 

A condom is recommended I am sure. 

After entering slowly I accommodate and squeeze to let him have the signal to “pound” me. I am sure will hurt some but willing to have that to compel my desire.

Not sure how to find that “special” one.

Any suggestions?

Hey bud, 

Sex isn’t ballet. You cannot and should not plan every move. You can’t force your partners to perform your imagined fantasy. You should definitely try anal sex, but it probably will not happen as you think it will. When the moment comes, you will likely feel uncertain about what to do next.

Sex isn’t fully about you, and that makes it great. In sex, another person’s desires and expectations collide with yours, and in that collision — where two people’s fantasies crash into the realities of each other — you have to improvise. Many people approach sex with an idea of how it must go and when it does not go that way, they feel like they’ve done something wrong.

I’m not sure what you mean by finding a “special” one, but if you’re asking how to find a sex partner, I can’t tell you anything that hasn’t already been stated on this blog. Depending on where you live, you have the same resources available to almost everyone: the Internet, smartphone apps, and in-person spaces like gay bars. Some folks have greater access to queer spaces, while some have lesser access, and only you can gauge the degree of safety you have in your culture to explore these spaces, online or in person. 

You will not be able to get “pounded” the first time you have receptive anal sex. Anal sex is harder than it looks in porn and, for virgins, hurts more than you expect it will. Many people can’t dive into anal sex immediately. It can take years of practice and sexual experience before you comfortably get penetrated without pain. There are other posts on this blog that can help you with ass training and douching to make bottoming easier and more pleasurable. 

Your first sexual experience will probably not be great. But keep at it. Like all things, sex requires practice. Suspend your expectations for the first few months so you can truly discover what sex really is. 

Love, Beastly

I enjoy pie play/fucking. I’m in Los Angeles and have tried to connect with other Angelinos with no luck. I’ve tried through UMD.net. Any other suggestions to meet other like-minded men for pie play? Thanks

Hi messy queen, 

UMD.net was my first thought and I don’t know anything better. I asked some friends who are into WAM (Wet And Messy fetish) if they know of any popular forums or events. They all basically suggested UMD.net.

There are, of course, dozens of WAM websites, and you can find the occasional WAM demo at, say, the Folsom Street Fair, along with the rare mud-wrestling event hosted by a local fetish group, but overall, WAM and pie play specifically is a pretty niche fetish. Anecdotally, it seems you’re more likely to find events and others like you in certain parts of Europe than in the United States. (The above image is of Zach Efron getting pied — for your enjoyment.)

For readers: a wet and messy fetish (WAM), also known as sploshing, is a sexual fetish where a person becomes aroused when copious amounts of a substance are applied to their face, body, or clothing. Many people with WAM fetishes are drawn to the tactile sensations of wet or messy substances against their skin. Others are more turned on by the visual of others getting wet and messy. Someone might get pelted with cream pies, have slime dumped on them, or sit on cakes. WAM sometimes overlaps with other fetishes, like puppy play and/or rubber. Often WAM fetishists like pouring substances inside their clothing (or having someone else do that to them). 

According to Wikipedia, substances most commonly enjoyed by WAM fetishists include whipped cream, raw eggs, milk, lotion, paint, oil, mud, pudding, chocolate sauce, fruit juice, beer, shaving foam, shampoo, soap, custard, baked beans, treacle, ketchup, ice cream, peanut butter, slime, and cake batter. (Fetishes for body fluids like shit, urine, vomit, and semen are not considered part of WAM — the former three are coprophilia, urophilia, and emetophilia, respectively.) 

Your best bet: get involved as best as you can with your local kink and fetish community and be vocal about your kinks. As with all kinks, you’re only going to find others if you make a smoke signal — as it were — alerting others that you are here. So fly your freak flag high.

Love, Beastly

I just found your website and found it very informative and it has answered a lot of questions that I could not find answers to. I have been trying to find information on wearing a prince’s wand for extended periods of time. Looking to wear it on a 24/7 basis. I have a 3″ wand that I wear occasionally and enjoy wearing. I am wondering about problems, health issues, proper care, and any other concerns about wearing one like this.


Normally I don’t answer questions like this because I’m not a doctor. But I imagine that would be an awkward question to bring up to a physician, so in lieu of a medical professional, you should talk to others who enjoy urethral play and prince’s wands and all those related kinks/kink tools — in other words, other kinksters like you.

I do not share your kink. But generally speaking, there can always be health issues when you attempt to wear something 24/7. Piercings must be cleaned, and even regularly-cleaned piercings can get infected even years after they heal. Penis-bearing people into 24/7 chastity must occasionally remove, wash, and clean their chastity cages, and the (many) folks who like to wear butt plugs for extended periods of time (some 24/7) know they must frequently remove the plug to shit, fart, and do everything else the body has to do, and they occasionally have to give it a rest (and plugs must frequently be cleaned and re-lubed). Some people like to wear the same pair of underwear for as long as possible, but after a while, sanitation and infection risks require clothes to be changed. 

So yes, I imagine there are clear health risks to consider when wearing a prince’s wand round-the-clock. You can wear it a lot, but you cannot truly wear it round-the-clock — you will at some point need to remove it to pee, to clean it, and to make sure everything looks good and healthy before sticking it back in. 

Love, Beastly

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