Don’t Put Candy up Your Butt

I’m Alexander Cheves, a writer, author, and sex educator. My nickname is Beastly. I give adult advice on this blog — no question is off-limits. To ask me something, email or send a message via the Ask Beastly contact form.

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I enjoy anilingus and was wondering: could I suffer any deleterious effects from inserting hard candy into my anus/rectum? Other than the potential sticky mess of melted sugar, I’m interested in my partner’s reaction to tasting cherry, lime, or BUTTerscotch while he’s down there. If there’s no real harm in doing this, I’d also like him to suck on a lollipop for a minute or two to remove the rough edges and then use it as a probe (holding on to the stick of course!)

Hi candy queen,

Most sex writers agree: You should not put anything up your butt that isn’t designed to go up there — including all insertable sex toys that are not specifically designed for anal play (most dildos and insertables you find in sex shops are too hard and rigid for safe butt play). So my gut reaction is to say, “Absolutely fucking not. Don’t put hard candy up your butt.”

That said, I always do research when I get questions like this. I’ve found that many people have asked similar questions. For example, here is a discussion thread on a site for people with adult baby fetishes that discusses the benefits and drawbacks of “candy suppositories.” Nearly every comment is alarmingly nonscientific and no one should take these commenters’ advice.

Paraphilic infantilism (adult baby fetish)

In contrast, this person‘s answer on Quora is well-put and is more or less what I’m going to say now: Even if you think you won’t lose the stick of the lollipop, you might — the anal sphincter is one of the strongest muscles in the body and can suck things in easily, especially something small like a piece of hard candy. There’s no end to the damage a piece of candy can do inside your rectum and small intestine if you can’t push it out. Worse, if it breaks, you could end up with a puncture or perforation in your rectal or intestinal walls, which would require an immediate visit to the nearest Emergency Room. The rectal and intestinal walls are delicate and tear easily. So no, you should absolutely not put hard candy up your butt. You can suffer deleterious effects.

If you’re feeling brave, look up all the objects surgeons remove from people’s rectums every year. It’s easy to laugh at these stories — Sex and Satire clearly finds them amusing — but the fact is, some of these people will never again be able to have anal sex. Some of them will have to use colostomy bags for the rest of their lives. Putting things up your butt is serious business.

I say this as someone who regularly enjoys anal fisting — which, I must stress, is safer than putting hard candy up your butt. A gloved fist with gobs and gobs of lube (and ample ass training) can literally punch someone’s butthole without any injury whatsoever (and lots of pleasure for both parties). You can’t lose a hand inside you, assuming it’s still attached to a person — and more importantly, as a fist bottom, you can communicate with your top, which means you both have a degree of control over what the hand does inside you. You can’t control a small, brittle, breakable object.

If you want your partner to taste yummy flavors when he licks your hole, use flavored lube. Coconut oil works great! I also recommend Hot Coffee Scrub from Studio Ready — a sugary, mocha-flavored butt scrub you use in the shower that makes your hole smell and taste amazing.

The famous Hot Coffee Scrub from Studio Ready

For transparency, I’m friends with the gentleman who owns Studio Ready and have worked with him in the past. As a user of this product, I highly recommend it. My boyfriend loves the taste of my hole.

This post was pretty lighthearted, so I want to stress again the importance of only sticking things up your butt that are safe to do so. You can’t grab any dildo and slide it up your butt (I recommend staying away from all toys made of TPR or TPE). Household items are hazardous — experimenting with objects that look sexually appealing (smooth brush handles, zucchini, wine bottles) sends people to the hospital regularly.

Many gay men into heavy ass play enjoy putting things like pool balls, oranges, and even heavy metal chains up their rectums — and I think this is incredibly reckless and dangerous. I once came dangerously close to serious injury when I unknowingly “swallowed” a metal insertable toy and could not get it out right away — and that was a toy designed for butt play, which shows that even misusing toys that are made to go up your ass can cause injury. Never insert anything too small, too large, or without a flared base or handle that prevents it from getting swallowed. Never insert anything too quickly or without enough lube.

The ass is incredible. With training, it can take enormous things and bring you to the heights of human pleasure. But you have to take care of it.

Love, Beastly

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