I’ve never shared any of the nice messages I’ve gotten from readers over the years. I don’t run this blog for the thank-you letters — I’ll still be writing long after my readers have found amusement elsewhere — but they help.
What helps even more? Cold, hard cash. Please consider becoming a patron on my Patreon. But seriously, I appreciate the messages. If you’ve ever thought about sending me one, please go ahead and do it. We’re in lockdown. There’s a pandemic happening. I’d appreciate some love.
I’m broke, jobless, and uncertain of my next steps. This pandemic has magnified my problems, as it has for everyone. So it’s nice to be reminded that writing still has this mysterious power to connect people. It’s that flame handed down from scribes to soothsayers to fablelists. It’s how we guide each other through dark times.
Thanks for reading, and for occasionally sending me love notes.
Hey. I just saw the words “eventual book” in one of your posts. Wanted to say I cannot wait for that day! I’ll be first in line to buy a copy. I thoroughly enjoy how you write, and of course the content of your writing too. But I’m obsessed with your style. It just gives me such pleasure to read your blog.
Thanks for all the recent updates. Hope your keeping well.
D***** from Ireland, but in Sweden
Varsågod! What a kind message. The book is a ways off but I’m working on it. Find me someday and I’ll kiss your copy.
Hi Alexander! I just read your article about Tips on Healthy Bottoming on “The Advocate”. I just wanted to thank you for writing it. As a guy who’s never been comfortable bottoming and is always presumed to be a bottom (for one reason or another) it was very helpful and enlightening. It gave me more confidence to try things I’ve wanted too but was scared too. All of the bottoms I’ve asked for tips from make it sound so easy with bullet point tips and a shrug and a giggle. Your article was honest and helpful so I just wanted to say thank you.
Bottoming isn’t easy. Every bottom has nights when they feel defeated by their body. Bottoming comes with great lows and greater highs. Be patient. And thank you.
Hey there. My bf really wants to get into a wilder sex scene after we broke up with our third bf after 7 years and attended a 400 person orgy in New Orleans. The idea made me nervous as he’s a former Mormon missionary and is acting out all of repressed sexual fantasies from… well forever. I happened to stumble upon your article for The Advocate today 55 DOS AND DONTS OF ATTENDING A SEX PARTY. I read a bit and thought this is really good. So I sent him the link. Today, we went to breakfast and started discussing the article point by point. It turned into a full day of reading a section then having a full rich dialogue around the point. (And a three hour park walk!) I just wanted to thank you for such an honest and insightful article. I feel much more prepared, open and relaxed after reading your words that then inspired open and honest dialogue with my sexually wild partner.
This is very humbling. My words may have helped, but you did the work. You’ve built a connection where you can talk about this stuff and explore a 400-person orgy together. Most couples can’t do that. Well done.
Thank you. My husband died 6 months ago. We were in a monogamous relationship for 29 years. Mostly into frottage. I live in a rural area in British Columbia and I am 58 years old. Dating is scarce. I bought an anal starter kit. I read your article 17 things to know about anal sex. It was helpful. Thank you!
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m happy to help, but you’re doing the hard work. You’re overcoming loss and exploring again. I’m proud of you and I’m sure he would be, too.
Hello mate. I just read this article you wrote about fisting for beginners and wanted to reach out and say thanks! I’m beginning to explore that part of myself and your article was the most real and factual I had come across.
Welcome to the FFamily. We’re a mess but we’re fun.
Hi. This is very random I know. But I just happened across an article you wrote for the Advocate back in 2016 I think. About how to date a Daddy and negotiate and sustsain an ideal Daddy-Son/Boy relationship…and I just had to say, thank you. I am Boy who has been searching or hoping for that ideal Daddy almost as long admit can remember and recently it has been extremely prevelant in my mind. And I want to be a good Boy or Son as well and know how to give myself value. Anyway…it was a brief article….but it spoke to me right now. And I wanted to make sure you knew this connect with this Boy here
Thank you, boy. I’m also feeling the pull for a daddy. Enjoy the hunt.
thank you – just ready your 25 tips on fisting … great help x
Glad to help.
I’ve just read your article, and wow! Resonated so much with me, 15 Lessons in Love This Gay Man Learned From Kink
Incredible article – you’re my new favourite twitter follow! I look forward to more articles and insight from you. The article is so spot on. I’m definitely a ‘learner’ after 8 years into kink, and learning all the time about my Dom interests, sub interests, helpful temporary labels, everything.
You’re welcome. Remember: you invent your kink. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s — there’s no kink police to say your version is wrong. Your kinks are valid.
Hello. Thank you for sharing your story about being undetectable on The Advocate. It helped me a lot. It’s still shitty, but I won’t bore you with a sob story. I hope you get everything you want.
Stay safe, and have a nice day.
If you ever need to share your sob story, I’m happy to receive it. I’ve told mine so people like you might find it. If you’re new to HIV, don’t give up. Life blossoms open.
Hi! I JUST finished reading your 15 reasons why you wont be monogamous. I. Fucking. Loved it! Thank you for sharing! It was great feeling a sense of relief realizing I wasn’t the only one who feels so anti monogamous.
You’re not the only one. I suspect most people are like us, even if they don’t think so. Humans aren’t naturally monogamous, but some are better at adhering to this practice than others. You now have the words for an antithesis to the monogamy doctrine. You are free.
This is going to be incredibly random, but I found your article on TheBody.com and as a bug chaser myself, well ex bug chaser, while also contemplating my own biohazard tattoo I wanted to ultimately THANK YOU For your vulnerability, openness, and transparency.
I didn’t know about bug-chasing until after I was positive, at which point it became a moot concept, so I can’t say I was ever a bug-chaser. But I want to take away the stigma and shame surrounding bug-chasing — because it’s hot, real, and rarely factored in HIV dialogue. There’s a very understandable reason why HIV-positive folks may not want to address it — it reinforces the widely-held yet totally false claim that “most people choose to get HIV.” But ignoring bug-chasing is not an effective harm-reduction strategy. All kinks — even stigmatized ones — should be discussed in the interest of public health.
I am 56 years old and brand new to discovering and exploring my kinks (especially sub flogging). Your articles have been INVALUABLE in helping me understand and enter the community. THANK YOU!
You’re welcome. Welcome to your new life.
hi alexander (is beastly too familiar for a first message?) – i wanted to say that we love the info in your articles and your sex positivity. we referenced your daddy article in our show (i think the second time you’ve come up?), so i wanted to say thank you. here’s the link in case in case you want to hear it (starts at 21:45ish). regardless, thank you for what you do!
Thanks for sending me that. Anyone can call me “Beastly,” even my mother. Actually no, that would be weird.
I came across your article on Twitter and had to tell you how much I enjoyed reading such clear, rational straightforward advice to navigating a new relationship. This really should be required reading each and every time anyone begins a new romance Honest and trust are truly the foundation of any healthy relationship and many people are often blinded by so many other aspects of a new love affair. Thanks again for making this idea so unambig.
Navigating new love is the greatest thing in life. Glad I could help. Good luck.
Friend, your kinks deserve respect — they’re not marks against you. They create you, amplify you, and enrich you. Treasure them.
Hi Alex. I was reading an article you write about fisting and i found a video from The Advocate which you tell about your experience as a hiv positive person. it really touches me, and i got myself crying on that chinese food story. thanks for sharing that and congrats for your articles.
I am extremely proud of that video. Thanks for watching.