I’m Alexander Cheves, a writer, author, and sex educator. My nickname is Beastly. I give adult advice on this blog — no question is off-limits. To ask me something, email AskBeastly@gmail.com or send a message via the Ask Beastly contact form.
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First of all, I want to thank you for this incredible blog, and I’m so happy to have found a website where to go and rid of some doubts. I don’t want to tell you the whole story of my life neither bother you with information that does not make sense. But I want to start saying I’m 23, at this point of my life I sill having some insecurities about my sexual definition, I mean I’m pretty sure I’m gay, but the fact is that in my short lifetime I’ve never been in a relationship with a boy even worst, not having any kind of sexual intercourse with a man, I realized my sexual attraction to men because watching some straight porn when I was 14, but I noticed male anatomy more interesting than female one, but that was the only prompt since then to tell myself more prone to men than women. I’m a little bit shy and I struggle with networking with people at the time for trying to start a relationship, so I’m single.
But now, something inside me woke up and my willingness for having sex with a guy was stronger than before, and this situation it’s complicated for me because I haven’t decided to get out of the closet with my family because as I said before, my head is full of doubts, but this desire of exploring something new has led me to seek the option to try with male escorts, but through the pathway of this journey I’ve been questioning myself if it’s a good idea to have my first time in this way, and also this scares me that I just interested in satisfying physical needs before an emotional one. And now I contact you to share my concerns about dealing with a male escort to lose my virginity.
By asking these questions, you’re in the club. You don’t have to settle on a specific label right now, so don’t worry if you’re “gay,” “bi,” or “queer.” You’re one of us.
Satisfying your sexual needs shouldn’t scare you. Doing so is 100% natural. It’s what you’re supposed to be doing right now. There’s nothing shameful about wanting sex.
Since you’re only 23, you will probably be mostly focused on satisfying sexual needs for a few years. That’s OK. The emotional and romantic stuff can come later, and it will come, don’t worry. It’s better if it comes after a few years of sexual experience.
Also, you have some doubts. You’re 23. It would be strange if you didn’t have doubts. There’s so much you don’t know! You don’t really know what kind of sex you’re looking for. Don’t worry. These answers will come in time. There’s no need to solve these questions immediately.
I’m going to shock some people by saying this, but hiring an escort is a good idea. If you have the money, an escort can teach you the mechanics of sex, go at a speed that feels comfortable for you, and give you feedback, and they can do this without the heavy and confusing emotions that tend to accompany our first sexual forays. A quick word on those heavy and confusing emotions: you will probably have a passionate, visceral reaction to your first sexual experiences and might think you want to date the first guy you have sex with. You don’t. That feeling is an emotional response to a powerful experience and will pass — quickly, I might add.
An escort can help you navigate that reaction by reminding you of the transactionality of sex. All sex, on some level, is transactional, but with escorts, the transaction is monetary. They provide a service. You pay them.
Find a gay male escort you’re attracted to, who’s within your price range and closer to your age, maybe a few years older, and is openly gay. You won’t have to look hard. (Try RentMen or spend some time on Twitter.) Not every escort is great, but a lot of us are; most sex workers I know are the most sexually informed, kindest, most compassionate people I know and would be happy to help you get started sexually.
There are other benefits to playing with an escort in the beginning. Sex is easier when you’re not worried about screwing up an emotional element — in other words, when you’re not worried about whether or not the guy you’re fucking will still want to date you after.
Most people feel more liberated in bed with people who have no stake over their hearts. That’s why sex workers have jobs — because we don’t come with romantic strings or pressures. An escort will cater to your needs, commit to a certain amount of time, deliver a good experience (because they’re being paid to), and remove the messy feelings that can accompany intense experiences by simply removing themselves from the equation.
Since this is a business, I should say that I am an escort and have helped several clients explore various sexual experiences for the first time. But I’m not the only one! There are countless highly-skilled sex workers (or escorts, if you prefer that term) who can help you get started. Whoever you talk to, tell them you’re a virgin and ask them to go slow. If they’re not interested in having sex with a virgin, no worries! Move on to the next guy. You’ll find someone who understands where you’re at and will go at your speed.
But first, before you do anything else, read my list of 21 things to know before losing your gay virginity. Trust me, it’ll help.