You’re Allowed to Like Shit

So, I’ve been reading your blog a lot lately, and I like how positive you are about sex and stuff. So anyway, here’s the thing, I’ve been watching and getting off to some odd porn (umm scat porn) and it sometimes makes me feel ashamed and weird and I met this guy on grindr who’s into it and wants to do it with me and i kinda want to do it, you know, like if I’m really into this thing I might enjoy it and if not well just move on, but I feel very strange for kinda liking this stuff in the first place, WWYD? What advice would you give me? Cause I dunno I sometimes feel very… weird after I jerk off to this stuff. Hope I didn’t freak you out or anything lol. (BTW if you’ve done this kinda stuff what advice would you give me?)

My boyfriend is a shit pig, so this doesn’t scare me at all. If I were you, I would go to the hookup, try it out, see if it’s fun, and leave if it isn’t. I would also try at least one more scat session before deciding it’s not for you. My classic advice: try everything twice.

When I first saw fisting porn, I didn’t think it was real. I was horrified and repulsed and immediately closed the browser window. It looked like something out of a horror movie. Some time later, I searched for fisting porn. I just wanted to shock myself and see it again. I was sitting in my car in a parking lot and it was raining. I opened the internet browser on my phone and typed in “gay fisting.” It was the first time I intentionally sought fisting porn. 

The first video I clicked on showed a guy pushing out a massive rosebud and I quickly closed the browser window again. It was too much. And I’m still squeamish about rosebudding — a part of fisting I’m not really into. But that doesn’t mean I’m not into fisting. You can like some parts of a scene without liking all parts. You don’t have to be the most hardcore scat pig right away. Take baby steps. 

At some point, I eventually jacked off to fisting porn. At the time, I thought I was very vanilla. I wasn’t like the guys in the videos I was watching. My hole would never do that. I was just watching. It was only porn to me, not something I would actually do

But I did, of course. Years later, I accepted myself as someone into fisting and got a hand in my ass. Now fisting is the most beautiful, infuriating, sacred, agonizing, frightening thing I know. It combines all emotions at once — the only kink I know that ascends out of sex into something like a spiritual experience.

You’re probably into scat — jacking off to scat porn is a good indicator that you are — but you may not be ready to dive all the way in. That’s why we start with milder sexual encounters (in the case of fisting, with fingering and toy play). I’m not sure what a mild scat encounter is like, but you’re allowed to draw the line of your comfort level at any point during a hookup. Tell him you’re a virgin. Explain what you’re willing to try and what you’re not willing to try, and define these thresholds as hard or soft. Hard thresholds are an absolute “no.” Soft thresholds (also called “soft limits” by some kinky people) are sex acts that are a little threatening, but you might be willing to try them. If he’s understanding, proceed with the meetup. If he’s not, move on. You will find more people into scat play.

You will get shamed for it. You will gross some people out. I’ve lost potential sex partners because I like fisting, and scat is more stigmatized than fisting. Many people who consider themselves extremely kinky often set scat as a hard limit — an absolute “no.” Even in a big city like New York, my boyfriend describes the community of scat players as very dispersed and somewhat invisible; playmates are not always easy to find. So you may have to do some online hunting. But that doesn’t mean you’re the only one into it. 

Have fun and get gross.

Love, Beastly

Photo by Leah Kelley from Pexels

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