How to Be a Cum Dump

I’M ALEXANDER CHEVES. LOVERS CALL ME “BEASTLY.” I AM A WRITER, AUTHOR, AND SEX EXPERT. I GIVE ADVICE — NO TOPIC IS OFF-LIMITS. TO ASK ME SOMETHING, EMAIL ASKBEASTLY@GMAIL.COM OR SEND A MESSAGE HERE.

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STAY SINFUL. — B

So you mentioned in that podcast that you enjoyed the back room at the Heretic. I’m curious about letting loose. Are you into anonymous loads and groups? If so, what are some things I would need to know? Also are you into fisting as well? I’m sorry if these questions are too personal but I live in a small area so any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Hi aspiring cum dump,

No question is too personal here. Yes, I’m into groups and fisting. If you’re interested in doing these things, I’ll go over everything you need to know besides the health risks, which are covered in this post.

Being a cumdump is about more than taking anonymous loads in your butt. Those who do it well are fully aware they’re engaging in high-risk sex, and that’s part of the thrill. To live with this risk, you must stay informed and educated about the latest in HIV/STI care and treatment. Be meticulous with your health. Get STI testing very frequently (once a month, or even more frequently if you’re having a lot of condomless sex). Know what questions to ask your doctor, and have an idea of what thorough medical care looks like. You have to have decent health insurance and be close to a place where you can get comprehensive STI screening on a regular basis. You must become something of an authority on appropriate healthcare for a sexually active gay man.

If you’re doing anonymous play correctly, you don’t know the names or any identifying details of the guys fucking you. You don’t have a “What’s your HIV status?” talk beforehand. This danger is part of the fun, but it’s not a fantasy. The risk is real, and if you play this way, you will get STIs. After several years playing this way, you will have had many STIs. Repeated STI treatment involves antibiotics, which can, over time, weaken your immune system, harm your GI system, develop antibiotic resistance, and all sorts of other unpleasantries. Cum dumps have to live with this reality or they shouldn’t be cum dumps.

In regards to fisting, read my article in The Advocate. Then read this piece, this piece, and this piece (I  write a lot about fisting). Fisting is the most intense, beautiful, delightful, terrifying, wondrous thing I do.

Let me touch briefly on illicit substances. The scenes you’re thinking about exploring are heavily inundated with drugs like meth, cocaine, GHB, and others. If you want to avoid drugs, you’ll have to screen playmates carefully, have an exit strategy for bad hookups, and maintain relationships with playmates and fellow pigs/fisters who support your choices. You can find cum dumps and fisters who don’t do substances, but they are in the minority in this scene. If you want to explore drugs, explore forms of harm-reduction and, if you can, find a harm-reduction-focused substance use counselor.

Meth is one of the most addictive substances on the planet and repeat use will lead to worse problems than dry mouth. Meth rewires your brain and will make it so that you can’t feel happy without it. It will also link itself to the experience of sex, and extreme cases of meth addiction require addicts to be celibate in order to stay clean. Know the risks of meth – long-and-short-term — before engaging.

Let me touch also on mental health and emotional care. Substances aside, hard anonymous play can take other tolls on you. Even if you only do this once a year, having a wild, nasty night as a cum dump is a very intense experience, and just like with BDSM, intense experiences can cause strong mental and emotional responses. Aftercare after an intense experience should involve plenty of rest, rehydration, and doing something de-sexualized, like spending time with friends or watching a movie. If you want to be a cum dump frequently — some guys do it several times a month — you must schedule breaks and weekends off. If you enjoy being a cum dump, don’t do it every weekend. Don’t even do it every other weekend. Schedule downtime. Put energy into other sexual experiences so your sex life doesn’t become a one-tone parade of backrooms and dark apartments — that will become very depressing, I promise.

Enjoy the loads, pig.

Love, Beastly

P.S. Thanks for listening to my interview with Dan Savage on Savage Lovecast. If you haven’t read my article that I discuss with him on the show, here it is.

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