So you mentioned in that podcast that you enjoyed the back room at the Heretic. I’m curious about letting loose. Are you into anonymous loads and groups? If so, what are some things I would need to know? Also are you into fisting as well? I’m sorry if these questions are too personal but I live in a small area so any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
No question is too personal here. Yep, I’m into groups and fisting. If you’re interested in doing these things, I’ll go over everything you need to know besides the health risks, which are covered in this post.
Being a cumdump is about more than taking anonymous loads in your butt. Those who do it well are fully aware they’re engaging in high-risk sex, and that’s part of the thrill. To live with this risk, you must stay informed and educated about the latest in HIV/STI care and treatment. Be meticulous over your health. Get STI testing very frequently (once a month). Know what questions to ask your doctor, and have some idea what thorough medical care looks like. You have to have decent health insurance and be close to a place where you can get comprehensive STI testing on a regular basis. You must become something of an authority on appropriate healthcare for sexually active gay men.
If you’re doing anonymous play correctly, you don’t know the names or any identifying details of the guys fucking you. You don’t have a “What’s your HIV status?” discussion beforehand. This danger is part of the fun, but it’s not a fantasy. The risk is real, and if you play this way, you will catch an STI. After several years, you will probably catch many.
In regards to fisting, read my article in The Advocate. Then read this piece, this piece, and this piece (I write a lot about fisting). This is the most intense, beautiful, delightful, terrifying, wondrous things I do. If you connect with it, it will be the same for you.
Let me touch briefly on illicit substances. The scenes you’re thinking about exploring are heavily inundated with drugs like meth, cocaine, GHB, and others. If you want to avoid drugs, you’ll have to screen playmates, have an exit strategy for bad hookups, and maintain relationships with playmates and fellow pigs/fisters who support your choices. You can find cumdumps and fisters who don’t do substances, but they are probably in the minority.
Meth is one of the most addictive substances on the planet and repeat use will lead to worse problems than dry mouth. It rewires your brain and will make it so that you can’t feel happy without it. It will also link itself to the experience of sex, and extreme cases of meth addiction require addicts to be celibate in order to stay clean.
Let me touch also on mental health and emotional care. Substances aside, hard anonymous play can take other tolls on you. These are intense experiences, and just like hardcore BDSM, strong experiences can cause strong mental and emotional responses. For this reason, you must take breaks. If you enjoy being a cumdump, don’t do it every weekend. Don’t even do it every other weekend. Schedule downtime. Put energy into other sexual experiences so your sex life doesn’t become a one-tone parade of backrooms and dark apartments. Vary it up.
P.S. Thanks for listening to my interview with Dan Savage on Savage Lovecast. If you haven’t read my article that I discuss with him on the show, here it is.
Hope my advice helps. Please tip me or support my work with a monthly donation on Patreon! Every dollar given helps me continue my mission of providing sex-positive information online. Image: JimSupport (the best sex slings).