Can a Straight Guy Date a Man?

I read a few of your articles. I’m a straight guy with a submissive side. I’ve fantasized about bottoming to a strong Dominant black man since I was a teen and watched interracial hetero anal porn. I wanted to know what if felt like to be the girl in the vids. I’m much older now and I’m putting serious thought into trying a D/s LTR with a gay Dom, provided I can find one who is interested in me. I’m not into casual sex at all. Exploring submission on more then one level really interests me. I also like the idea of commitment and putting the needs of your partner above your own. Kinda like the 1950s type of marriage. Commit yourself to your partner and then learn how to make things work with him. Do you think a straight guy can make a good bottom and sub for a gay Dom? I don’t want to do it, if it’s not good for the Dom.

I know a few straight male subs who get dominated by gay men and get off purely on submission, but I can’t say I know them very well. But yes, anecdotally, it’s definitely possible to have this kind of setup. Your biggest challenge will be learning how to bottom if you’ve never taken anything up your ass. I can help with that. 

I want to put a thought in the air. Why is it necessary to define your sexual orientation here? The definition of gay is being a man who is attracted, sexually or romantically, to men, so I encourage you to at least be open to the possibility that you may not be 100% straight. I am not negating or discrediting your identity, but I’d hate for you to miss out on all the great sex with men that falls outside this particular Dom/sub scene because you think it’s off-limits to a straight man.

I understand that you being straight may be a necessary component of this idealized setup, and that’s fine. You can call yourself whatever you want. It really doesn’t matter, and I’m not one to get hung up on labels — labels annoy me and I’m not always so sure about my own. But you’re a straight man who wants to get fucked in the ass, dominated, and ordered around by a black male dominant who is with you in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship — one that feels to you like a “1950s type of marriage.”

At that moment — when his cock is slamming in your pussy and you’re taking it and moaning because it feels so good and you can’t believe he’s pulling out all eleven inches and slamming them back in your stretched, hungry cunt — you’re having gay sex. Very gay sex.

And that fact will not remove your power, your worth, or your ability to do awesome stuff, sexually and otherwise. That fact doesn’t take away the legitimacy of your kinky desires, the intensity of your fantasies, or the authenticity of your kink. If you enjoy sex with women, it won’t take away from that, either.

The only thing it does sort of chip away at is your self-description as a completely straight man, and even this is up for debate. In my best gay sex, I, too, am a bent-over bitch fag, but I’ve also had girl-crushes and fantasies about dominant women. Does that make me straight? If I were to carry out these fantasies — if I were to be crawling on a floor, collared, choked on her leash — I’ll have entered her world and become a person engaging in heterosexual sex. That doesn’t discredit my identity as a gay man because identity isn’t a cage. It doesn’t hinge on the sex you have. But that erotic, hour-long encounter — and the desire for that hour, and this moment in which I’m thinking about that encounter — makes me entertain the notion that my sexuality is more fluid than these rigid parameters we’re given, and that I’m maybe not 100% gay.

Speaking more practically, you will have an easier time finding the black dom you’re seeking if you look in gay spaces, digital and otherwise. I’d encourage you to set up a profile on all-male sex websites like Scruff and Recon, where you will, at the very least, be perceived as gay by other users. You have to be OK with that.

The guy you’re looking for will be hunting where he knows he can find a willing sub, and that’s not at a straight bar or on a straight dating website. He’s going to be looking at gay sex sites. The men he’s seeking may call themselves straight as part of the fantasy or even with total seriousness, but in his sling, they will call themselves Daddy’s Little Bitch.

Good luck hunting, and if you’re ever tempted to explore the playground of kinks and identities that fall outside rigid heterosexuality, I encourage you, like Satan, to give in to temptation.

Love, Beastly 

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1 Comment

  1. I totally disagree with you, Alex. Many straight identifying men have sex with men, and this does not change their heterosexuality. You should read the book Not Gay by Jane Ward, and articles published by Hector Carillo and Tony Silva concerning Heterofelxibility.


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