Ask Beastly: Two Tops, One Problem

So how do you maintain and keep it clean for anal sex? I’m normally a top and my boyfriend is a top but I agreed to be more versatile in our relationship. He complained the other night that I’m never ready or clean… so how can I make it more pleasurable? How can I keep it clean? Is it safe to douche often? I just honestly don’t know how to maintain it and we certainly want to have a lot more sex often. 

Has your boyfriend also agreed to be more versatile? If you’ve agreed to do this, so must he. I assume you two are monogamous, so finding a third guy, a bottom or versatile guy, to come over and get fucked by both of you is out of the question. That’s unfortunate, since non-monogamy would effectively fix this problem, and there are many bottoms out there who’d love to play with you. But if you are monogamous, you are equally entrusted to meet each other’s sexual needs, which means he needs to bottom sometimes too.

His complaint is a little silly. No one walks around ready to get fucked. You can clean out really well and then not eat for several hours, during which time you can walk around ready to get fucked, but at some point, you will have to eat, and then you’ll have four to five hours, give or take, before you have to poop. That’s the best you can get.

If you don’t care about shit, you can fuck in the heat of the moment and simply clean up after. If you do care about shit, you (or he) will have to hop in the bathroom and douche before you fuck. Depending on your diet, this can take anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour. (If it takes longer than that, stop because you’re just irritating your gut at that point. It’s not happening. Do some other fun sex thing besides bottoming.)

If you’re going to start bottoming more, you need to consume a high fiber diet or take fiber supplements — both of which are very healthy for you and help improve your overall GI health, not just your douching regimen. I take Metamucil two to three times every day.


Fiber (obtained either through fiber supplements or fibrous foods) collects your poop together and cleans out your colon and rectum, so when you use the bathroom, it all goes, leaving little left over to clean out later. This makes douching easier and quicker.

Some guys swear by fiber capsules. I have seen better results for myself with loose fiber (pictured above) which appears like a grainy powder that you mix in a glass of water. Disclaimer: In the interest of being transparent, I have written content for Pure For Men, a fiber supplement marketed to gay men, which I have also used. I personally prefer Metamucil, only because I can get it at my local grocery store, but I have friends who swear by Pure For Men. I am not being paid by Metamucil or Pure For Men to write this (I will never write paid posts on this blog).

You cannot out-fiber a bad diet, so if you’re eating lots of heavily processed junk food, you’re still going to have problems getting clean in the shower. Thankfully, a bottom-friendly diet is mostly just a healthy diet. Eat lean meats and veggies. Avoid excessive sugar. Avoid fried and fatty foods.

Lots of douching is not good for your body. Over-douching can interrupt and imbalance the good mucosa in your colon and rectum you need to process waste, which can lead to GI problems. That said, most guys douche before sex. I do. I’ll be honest, I personally accept the risks of over-douching to have mess-free anal sex, but you can (and should) take steps to minimize the douching process (and take daily probiotics to keep everything in your gut running smoothly). Only douche before you have sex, and not every day. If you take daily fiber like the supplements listed above, you will minimize the douching regimen. I know some guys who eat really healthy food, take fiber, and don’t douche — they’re naturally ready to go when the time comes. (Note: all these guys are vegetarians.)

If I’m getting fucked by one or two guys, I use a hand-pump bulb in the shower. If I’m going to have sex all night with a small army of men, I’ll use a shower hose attachment. I once held the nozzle in my ass for fifteen seconds, which was mostly good enough. In the last year, I’ve read some reports from pros who say that twice that amount of time — and longer — is more effective, but I have a mental issue with allowing that much water to get that deep inside me. Simply put: I don’t think that’s extremely safe. But do what works best for you. Everyone has a different clock — a different number of seconds to hold the nozzle in — that works for them. Make sure the water is warm (not hot!) and at a gentle pressure. Count the seconds in your head — the longer you count, you’ll get a “full” feeling which might be uncomfortable at first — and learn, through trial and error, what length of time is best for your body.

Everyone has their own ideal douching technique that forms after years of practice — a goldilocks regimen created through many failures. Failures are good. Be gentle with yourself, go slow, and don’t beat yourself up when it doesn’t work. Remember that you can’t fully control the body, and certainly not your GI system, and attempts to muscle over it — to clean heavier and deeper and starve yourself — will hurt you rather than help you in the long run.

I know guys who eat certain foods the day before they bottom. I know guys who’ve timed their Imodium consumption to just the right time. Imodium is over-the-counter anti-diarrhea medication , which sometimes — but not always — halts your body’s waste-making process (temporarily constipates you). Some bottoms swear by it. (Again, this is probably not healthy to do when you don’t actually have diarrhea). With practice, you’ll find your regimen — then refine it, change it, refine it some more, ad infinitum. No one’s method works best for everyone.

I work for Fort Troff, which carries many good ass cleaning items, but once again, I am not being paid by my employer to write this post. (I don’t think anyone I work with reads my stupid blog.) I own COLT douches and have for years. Here’s the COLT handheld bulb I keep in my drawstring bag for emergencies at sex parties. (If you like getting fucked in public, you must become a master of cleaning out in a public restroom.)

colt douche

When you douche, go slow and be gentle. Don’t rush it. For more on the ass cleaning process, read part one and part two of my bottoming guide in Them.

Finally: be less afraid of shit. It’s going to happen. Even with the best diet and cleaning method, your body will still surprise you, and there will be moments when you have to clean off and run back in the shower. It’s an ass — your beautiful ass — and playing in ass can be messy. If your boyfriend is a good one, he’ll be understanding when you have to clean again or simply can’t perform and have to call it a night. Better yet, he’ll bottom instead.

Love, Beastly

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    1. Agreed, and I hope you’re pleased with the edits. I actually rarely (never) douche before sex with my boyfriend. But this person was specifically asking about how to douche, so I felt I was answering his question thoroughly.


    2. Ummm… that really depends on where you’re from. The majority of Americans do, but when you leave the western hemisphere all bets are off… Definitely can be an eye opener for those who are used to things one way. Same goes for washing. I’ve been to places in Europe while traveling where the hostels will specifically note that Americans aren’t welcome because of their washing practices (Rude, but different strokes for different folks). It is what it is.


  1. That was a super useful post; P.S. do you guys in the comments really rarely douche before sex with your bf? I am never that clean 😦


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